That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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