Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
