Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
