right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
