Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
