if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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