We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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