I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
