Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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