I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
