her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
