Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
