he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
