Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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