i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize