he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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