Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
