UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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