My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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