i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
