i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
