i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
