Dual....:-)
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize