Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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