You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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