I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
