so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
