John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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