Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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