Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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