i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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