based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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