she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
