I love black thongs
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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