I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
