Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
