You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
