My brain says no but my pants say off.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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