thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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