My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
