just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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