I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
