Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
