Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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