well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
