It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
