I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
