Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
