well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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