i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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