I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize