just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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