They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
