She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
