you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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