My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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