I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
