I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
