i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
