i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
