so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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