What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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