Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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