when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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