3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my phone needs a breathalizer
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
