Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
