Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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