Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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