haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
