Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
