mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize