I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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