it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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