woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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