I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
