yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
