you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize