so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
