apparently the secret to your success is patron
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
