All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
