totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
