so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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