Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
