I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just google imaged poop.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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