I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
