She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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