i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
