hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
