I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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