Soap is not a condiment
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize