I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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