I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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