just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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