She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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