we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
