seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
