So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so let's talk penis.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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