It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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