I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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