There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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