So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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