My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
