if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
