You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
